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Jessica's Life, Ch. 4: Caving In

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Warning: I cried while writing this chapter.

Jessica's Life, Ch. 4: Caving In By Manwathiel
Characters: Jessica, Emily, Lauren, Nelson, Kevin, Rob, Valerie, Annie, Brandon
Summary: A couple of weeks after the big game, Jessica's life is falling apart.

Jessica didn’t know how to go on anymore. Her dad was taking time off work, but her mom was as busy as ever. Brandon still refused to visit Aunt Lauren, even thought they all knew she didn’t have long. Kevin had all but disappeared, and Jessica was having trouble focusing.
She was sitting in her US history class with Annie when her phone buzzed. She looked down at it and saw that it was her dad. She gasped. She didn’t want to open it, didn’t want to know what had happened.
Annie glanced at her, motioning to her phone.
     What’s going on, Jess? Are you okay? -Annie
     I can’t talk right now. I have to go. -Jess
Jessica packed up her stuff and walked out. She had already talked with most of her teachers, letting them know what was going on and that she might have to leave any minute. Mrs. Downing understood.

Jessica rushed to the hospital, not even thinking about what her dad might have actually said. Deep down, she knew she should have read the text before she left, but she couldn’t bring herself to open it when she was alone.
“Daddy, what’s going on?” she asked as she ran into his arms. She was so scared, and she clung to her dad.
“Jessica, the doctors say it won’t be long.” Nelson hated saying those words. They sounded so final, like there was no hope. He hated the look in Jessica’s eyes.
Jessica gripped her dad’s shirt as the tears started to fall. The few words her dad had said were breaking her heart. How was she to survive?
“I thought you should be here, honey.” Her father’s voice was gentle, and she started crying harder. “Aunt Lauren isn’t doing very well, Jess.”
“Does Kevin know? Has he been here?” Jessica finally asked when her tears subsided enough for her to say something. Nelson nodded.
“He knows. Rob is in with Lauren right now.” Nelson sounded depressed, and Jessica wondered if he regretted the years he lost with his sister.
“Will I get to see her?” Jessica sounded more like a small child, unsure of what was happening, than the teenage girl she actual was.
“Yes, you will. But Uncle Rob needs time with her right now,” Nelson replied, wrapping his arms around his daughter.

“Robbie,” Lauren said. She wanted to say more, but she was tired. So tired.
“It’s okay, honey,” Rob said, holding her hand. “I know you want to talk. I know that you want to see Kevin get married, want to see your grandchildren.” Tears choked Rob, and he put his fist to his mouth. He wanted those things for her too. His wife nodded. “I know, Lauren. You want Kevin to be happy. And you want him here right now.” When Lauren nodded again, Rob excused himself to call their son.
As much as he wanted to make his wife happy, there wasn’t anything he could do about his son’s love life. Kevin hadn’t dated anyone seriously since Lindsay. Everyone thought they were going to be together for a long time, and Kevin had been thinking about proposing. But when she dumped him six months ago for someone else, his love life had come to a grinding halt.
Rob called Kevin’s cell phone, but Kevin didn’t answer. He left his son a message, telling him he needed to get to the hospital as soon as he could.

“Aunt Lauren?” Jessica’s voice was quiet, and she didn’t want to wake up her aunt if Aunt Lauren really was asleep. “Can I come sit by you?”
Lauren nodded slowly. She wished she could talk with her niece, make her feel better, but she just didn’t have the energy.
Jessica sat in the chair by her aunt’s bed and looked at her. Aunt Lauren had a peace about her, something Jessica had never seen in anyone so close to death. Jessica wondered if it had to do with her newfound religion, even though her friends had always said it was about the relationship, not the religion.
After about ten minutes of Jessica sitting there, Nelson came in. “Jessica, Kevin needs to see his mom for a little bit. Let’s let them have time together, okay?”
“Sure, Dad,” Jessica said, glancing at her aunt. She gave Kevin a small smile and left the room.

“I’m sorry I haven’t been here much, Mom,” Kevin said. His heart was breaking all over again. Three days after his team won the championships, he saw Lindsay at the store. She was engaged to someone else, and the emotional impact of seeing her again had left Kevin speechless and very confused. She had flaunted the diamond, and Kevin thought back to when they had dated.
Lauren squeezed her son’s hand, sensing his pain. She wanted him to understand, to see that she understood. She wanted to make sure he would be okay after she was gone.
“Don’t worry about me, Mom. I will be okay. And I’ll make sure Dad is taken care of too. I won’t leave him alone,” Kevin promised. He never thought he’d have to say anything like that, and it was probably the hardest thing he’d ever done. But he was determined to make good on his promise. He would do anything for his family.
It hurt to see how much his mom had changed, how tired she was. And Kevin could tell she was ready to go. He repeated his promise, and added that he would keep his eye on Brandon and Jessica as well. A peaceful smile filled his mom’s face, and he felt a little bit better. But it was still painful.

Jessica didn’t want to go to school the next day because she knew Aunt Lauren’s time was coming very soon. But Nelson made her go, saying it would be better if she was at school learning than just sitting around waiting. He promised to call the minute anything changed, but he still made her go.
It was second period, and Jessica was in math when her phone rang. Her teacher Mr. Blake held out his hand for her phone, but she got up and walked outside.
“Daddy? What is it?” Jessica asked, although she knew the answer. Her dad’s silence was all she needed.
“Honey, Lauren passed away about ten minutes ago. In her sleep. Uncle Rob, Kevin, and I were all there with her,” Nelson said, his voice rough with tears. Jessica didn’t know what to say. She broke down in the hallway outside of her math class, unable to hold herself together.
The bell rang, and she looked up, startled. Math was over, but she didn’t want to go back in and face everyone. So she ran. She ran as fast as she could and didn’t stop until she reached the park.
“Why? Why did Aunt Lauren have to die?” she moaned, sinking down onto the bench. She knew she couldn’t go back to school, couldn’t face her friends. She wanted to go to the hospital, but she didn’t see the point. Aunt Lauren was gone, and nothing could bring her back.

Emily grabbed her stuff when the bell rang, wondering where Jessica had gone. She walked over to Jessica’s desk and packed up her book and notes. Grabbing all the stuff, she walked outside and found Monica and Valerie.
“Have you seen Jess?” Emily asked. “She walked out of math when her phone rang and didn’t come back.”
“Nope. I wonder where she is,” Valerie said.
“Who are you looking for?” Annie asked, coming up to the group.
“Jess,” Emily replied. “She walked out of math and didn’t come back.”
“You know, something like that happened in history yesterday. She got a text message and just left class,” Annie said.
“I hope everything’s okay,” Valerie whispered.
Emily frowned. Something wasn’t right. Jess was usually a good student, and she didn’t just walk out of class. Emily thought back to all the strange things she’d noticed about her friend over the past few months.
“Me too,” Annie muttered. She closed her eyes and whispered a prayer for their friend.
“Something’s wrong, guys. This isn’t like Jess,” Emily said firmly. “Think about how strange she’s been acting lately. She hasn’t been paying attention, and she got a D on the last math test and didn’t even care!”
“That is odd,” Monica remarked. Emily exchanged a glance with Annie, remember the comments Jessica had made weeks before when they all went to church. All the times in the past few months Jessica had acted strange or said something came back to her.
“I guess we’ll have to figure this out later,” Valerie commented when the bell rang to end brunch. “See if she comes to history today, Annie.” Annie nodded. And if their friend didn’t show up, Annie would at least get notes for her and keep praying for her.

Jessica could feel her world caving in. She didn’t know how to go on. She looked down at her phone and realized she had several messages.
    Jessica, we’re all worried about you. Please respond! -Em
    Jess, where are you? -Val
    Jessica, what’s wrong? -Annie
Jessica read all the messages, figuring she should let them know at least that she was alive. She snorted. She wasn’t really alive anymore. A part of her had died. But she did reply to Emily and let her know that she was okay.
But she knew that was lie. She wasn't okay. She didn’t know if she would ever be okay again.

Nelson was concerned about his daughter. He knew the loss of her aunt was hard, and he was worried because she wasn’t answering her phone. He called the school and found out she had left during second period. Nelson drove to the middle school and picked up Brandon, but he wasn’t sure what else to do.
“Dad? What’s wrong?” Brandon asked.
“Aunt Lauren passed away this morning, Brandon,” Nelson replied, watching for his son’s reaction. Brandon’s face was emotionless, much like it had been whenever Lauren was mentioned, and he didn’t say anything for a few minutes.
“Does Jess know?” he finally asked. Nelson nodded.
“I called her. I don’t know where she is though.”
Brandon frowned. His dad was obviously worried about Jessica, although he had no idea why. Dad had never cared before.

As soon as school was out, Emily knew she had to find Jessica. When Jessica didn’t show up at school again, Emily texted Kevin to let him know that she was missing. Kevin had texted her back saying that he would find his cousin. But something didn’t seem right. Something told Emily that Jessica shouldn’t be alone, and she really needed to be there for her friend.

Jessica hadn’t moved from her bench in the park. She glanced at her phone and realized school would be out. She wondered if her dad knew she left school. She felt someone sit down beside her, and she looked up, ready to punch anyone who tried talking to her. But she couldn’t.
“Hey, Squirt.” Her cousin’s voice held none of its usual teasing, and Jessica could see he was hurting. “Uncle Nelson said you left school.” Kevin paused and just looked at her. She nodded slowly, tears flowing from her eyes.
“Yeah,” she finally said. “I left after Dad called and told me. I just couldn’t stay there anymore, so I left. I couldn’t stand it. I wanted to be alone. So I came here. Because just being here reminds me of her.” Tears choked Jessica, and she stopped. After a few minutes, she continued. “This is where we would come to talk or just sit together. This bench, we must’ve sat here a million times and talked.”
“I know.” Kevin didn’t say anything else. Instead of talking, he wrapped his cousin in his arms, comforting her.
“Kevin, I can’t go on. I don’t know how,” Jessica muttered. She was still crying, and she clung to her cousin.
“Jess, you have to. That’s what she would have wanted,” Kevin said.
“I don’t know how. Right now I don’t even want to think about it.”
“Mom watched you play soccer, every game. Even the last one,” Kevin said softly. Jessica looked up at him.
“How?” she asked.
“Dad taped it. She loved watching you play, Jess.”
“I didn’t know that Uncle Rob taped the game,” Jessica said slowly. She didn’t know what to say.
“Jessica, she’s at peace. I was there. And I’ve never seen anything like it. I wish you could have seen her face. We knew exactly when it happened. She looked so peaceful.” Kevin stopped, as if he couldn’t believe that his mom was actually gone.
Jessica sat silent, realizing she wanted to know everything yet nothing about it. If she knew how it happened, maybe she would feel a little bit of peace. But if she knew, it would make it real. More real than she wanted it be.

“Jessica, where have you been? I’ve been worried about you,” Nelson said when she came in. “I called the school, and they told me you were gone.”
“I’m sorry, Daddy. I couldn’t stay there. I went to the park. And Kevin found me.” Jessica felt bad that she made her dad worry, but she still didn’t want to be home.
“Come here,” her dad said, holding his arms open. Jessica walked into them, relishing the feeling of safety she felt.
“Where’s Mom?” she asked, looking around.
“Your mom’s at work.”
“Still? Shouldn’t she be home by now?” Jessica was confused. Usually her mom was home by now, and it was getting late.
“Yes. She called to say she was tied up with some things at work that she has to take care of,” Nelson replied. “And your brother’s upstairs in his room.”
“How’s he taking everything?” Jessica was concerned about her little brother. Brandon didn’t handle changes or bad things well, and she was worried about what he might do because of this.
“I don’t know. He’s very closed off. He was very stoic when I told him after school.”
“I was afraid of that. Do you want me to go talk to him?” Jessica asked. She gave her dad another hug and went off to find her brother.

“Brandon?” she said tentatively, knocking on his door. “Can I come in?” Something banged against the door, and she realized he was throwing things. She opened the door slowly, and one of his toys hit her arm. She frowned, but when she looked at her brother, she could see how much he was hurting.
“What do you want?” he asked grumpily, clinging to his stuffed bear. Jessica looked closely at the bear and noticed that it was the one Aunt Lauren had given him for his third birthday.
“I want to talk to you,” Jessica said firmly. “About Aunt Lauren.” The blank look her brother gave made her even more worried.
“Maybe I don’t want to talk about it,” he replied. He glared at her. “I don’t want to talk about it.” His face went blank again.
“Brandon…” Jessica started to say something then stopped. She wanted to tell him that denying it wasn’t going to change anything.
“Jessica, I said I don’t want to talk about it! Now leave me alone!”
Brandon’s angry tone startled Jessica, and she didn’t want to leave him. “Please, Brandon, just listen. Aunt Lauren wouldn’t want you to do this. And you know it. I know it hurts. But you have to push through the pain, not hide it away.”
“You’re one to talk. You ditched school today,” Brandon accused. Jessica nodded, ashamed.
“Yeah. I did. Dad called me during math, and I couldn’t handle it. So I ran. I ran and sat on a bench at the park all day,” Jessica admitted. “I sat there until Kevin found me, and we talked. Just like Aunt Lauren and I used to do.”
“That’s great for you, Jess. But I don’t feel that way. I’m so mad right now. And I don’t care anymore.” Brandon’s tone was angry, miserable even.
“Brandon, you can hide in your room all you want, but nothing is going to change the truth. Aunt Lauren is gone. And there’s nothing we can do about it.” Jessica left her brother alone and closed the door, tears running down her cheeks.

Alone in his room, Brandon let the tears fall. He loved Aunt Lauren, and he didn’t want to believe she was gone. He never visited her in the hospital, because he didn’t want to think about her being sick. She had always been so strong, so loving. He didn’t want to believe how sick she had been.
He knew he was in denial. And he knew nothing would change that. He hugged Jordan tight to his chest and let the tears fall.

Kevin had no idea how to respond to everything that had happened to him lately. From seeing the girl he almost proposed to, to losing his mom, he was lost.
“Mom,” he whispered later in his apartment, “I miss you. I miss you so much. I know you wanted to see me get married eventually, and some day, I want that too. But seeing Lindsay again, and engaged to Martin, that really hurt. I really did love her.” He paused. “And I really love you too. But like I promised, I’ll take care of Dad, and I’ll keep an eye on Jess and Brandon too. I know you loved them.”

“Daddy, do I have to go to school today?” Jessica asked. It was the next day, and Jessica was heartbroken. She didn’t know how to go on, and she really didn’t want to go to school. She didn’t want to face her friends.
Nelson looked at his daughter. He could tell she didn’t want to go, but he knew it would be better for her. Tears were in her eyes, and she was pleading with him. It was Friday. He decided to let her stay home today, but she would go to school on Monday, no question.
“Thank you, Daddy.” Jessica gave him a hug and ran off to her room. Once she shut the door, she pulled out her special journal, the one she wrote in when she had nowhere else to turn.
Dearest journal, my heart hurts too much to write a lot. Aunt Lauren died yesterday. I don’t really want to go into details, but I feel like a part of me is gone. I love her so much. I don’t know what to do without her.
Yesterday, when Dad called me to tell me the news, I ran. I always run. Whenever things get hard, I run. When it hurts too much, I run. When I don’t want to talk about things, I run. I ran from Emily when she asked about Aunt Lauren at the game. I couldn’t deal with it, so I ran.
I just can’t stand the thought that she’s really gone. She means so much to me. She’s the mom my mother never was to me.
But I always run. I don’t know what else to do. Even now, I’m running from school. I can’t face my friends. I just can’t.
It’s Friday. Daddy says I have to go to school on Monday. Hopefully by then I will feel a little bit better.
This is when I wish Mom was around more. I’ve barely seen her since the game. She’s been working so much, and I know Daddy doesn’t really like it. At least he’s taking time off from work. It’s been kinda nice, having him around more. I feel like he actually cares now. And I like it.

Jessica closed her journal. She felt a little bit better. She looked over at her doll and decided that Renée needed to be dressed in a different outfit. She grabbed the black dress Aunt Lauren had made for the doll when Grandma Morris died and put it on. Then she hugged the doll close, drawing comfort from it.
She knew it was silly, being comforted by a doll. But Renée had been with her for a long time and through everything she had ever gone through. The doll knew all her secrets, all her worries. It made her feel closer to Aunt Lauren. And that was the comfort she needed right now. She needed to feel closer to her aunt.

Emily grew even more concerned when Jessica didn’t show up at school that day. Something was wrong; she was sure of it.
“Val, have you seen Jess today?” she asked at lunch. Valerie shook her head.
“Nope. I haven’t seen her since… Tuesday, actually,” Valerie replied, thinking about it. “Why?”
“Because she wasn’t in math today, and she never came back yesterday. She just said that she was ‘okay’ when she texted me back, but I don’t think that’s true,” Emily explained.
“Didn’t you text Kevin? And what did he say?” Val asked when Emily nodded.
“He said that he would find her, and that was all,” Emily answered. “I’m really worried about her. This isn’t like her. I can’t remember the last time she missed school like this.” She thought for a minute. “And she never walks out of class like that.”
“Maybe we should go visit her after school,” Valerie suggested.
“Yeah, maybe,” Emily said slowly, thinking it over. If Jessica didn’t want to be found, then she wouldn’t be. But maybe she would talk if it was just Emily, not the whole group.
Jessica can't focus; her world is caving in. She doesn't want to talk to anyone. She is hurting a lot. Will her world ever be the same again?
© 2013 - 2024 ellethana
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